I can’t even get through rereading my last post, so I promise to make this one shorter.
Another quick note: I’m too lazy to post any links or pictures, but both Wikipedia and Miss Google have been lovely in helping me develop some opinions on some of the following swords, and they can also help you look up some nice pictures if you’re so interested. But you’re not, so I’ll just get right into it.
Swords are the gentleman’s weapon. I’d like to say it was earlier, but it was probably around the time of the release of the first Lord of the Rings that I really got into swords, and by release of the movie I mean when I read the trilogy in book form before I went to see the first movie (three times) because I didn’t want to ruin the books for myself by seeing the movie first. More specifically, it was in the Barrow-downs that the hobbits came across three enchanted daggers in the cavern where a barrow-wight had imprisoned them. Maybe it was the magic of the prose, but ever since I’ve been in love with the idea of strapping a sword around my waist and strutting down the street.
There’s just something about the short sword that’s always appealed to me; long swords have always seemed too gangly for proper wielding. I mean of course they aren’t, but for my personal preferred (read: imagined) fighting style, the short sword really seems to do the trick.
Consider the various long swords. First up, the broad sword: this behemoth is long, thick, heavy, and blunt, and really made for swinging around wildly and crashing into someone’s chest, hopefully crushing their breastplate and the puny chest within. There’s no grace there, no smooth movement or flow, just crash boom bang, knock the guy off his horse and break the majority of his ribs. It really isn’t a gentlemanly sword.
And then there are the skinny swords, the ones you’d fence with: the foil, epée (rapier), and sabre. They’re all skinny, lame, and useless. Enough said.
There are of course the two-handed swords, the claymores and zweihänders, but again as with the broadsword, they’re just unwieldy in my mind. Mostly I can’t imagine wearing one around all the time. Or whipping one out and slicing some jerk’s head off on the subway. There’s just not enough space indoors to swing it around.
I’ve purposely avoided discussing the katana because honestly it scares me. Even the smaller wakizashi and tantō scare me. It’s in the blade, the sharpness, meaningfulness, and art with which there are wielded, slicing the very air itself. There’s a reason wielding these swords properly requires martial arts training, and it’s all just not for me.
There are a lot of swords I won’t be discussing, and really it’s only because they’re not that interesting, they don’t stand out as something I wouldn’t want to end up with, and they’re not something I’d specifically go out and buy. These swords include, but are not limited to, the falchion, the scimitar, the cutlass, and the dirk. A great many more didn’t even make this list, and who cares.
On to the swords I care about, and want: the gladius, the falcata, and the Celtic sword (I’m disappointed in the Celts that they didn’t give me a better name to use, it would have been cooler of them to come up with some neat name).
Firstly, the gladius, which we all know and love from the movie Gladiator (more on movie swords later), is a fine short sword that can clearly be wielded artfully and close to the body, which makes it good for both indoors and showing off. Sure there’s skill involved, but it doesn’t come with the cultural-traditional baggage that the Japanese swords do. It’s small and stylish, could easily be worn on my belt, and looks good swinging around to boot. To appease my own nerdiness, I’d specifically be gunning for either a Mainz for Fulham gladius, although ideally it’d be a Mainz.
Next, the falcata, which is a stylishly forward curving pre-Roman Iberian blade that originated centuries before somewhere in the Middle East, and has a cutting edge that can best be described as convex near the tip, and concave near the hilt. Having so much more sword near the tip makes swinging it somewhat less than graceful, but in terms of usefulness, the thing handles like an axe, and would be most useful hacking through the forest or something.
Lastly, the Celtic sword, so named because… well, you know. This is perhaps my favourite sword, and has been so for many years. It is short, which of course is necessary for my brand of urban sword fighting and general tomfoolery, and slightly leaf-shaped, that is, wider at the tip than at the base. The double-edged blade is simple and symmetric, as is the hilt. The hilt itself can best be described as follows: take the Cingular Wireless logo (that little jumping-jacking orange fellow) and cut him in half at the waist, put a simple leather grip in there, and push his head down onto his shoulders. The sword is simple, and yet curvy and fun. This is the sword I would wear everywhere and be buried with. No wait, I’d pass it onto my second child. Yeah, that’d be sweet.
A couple of Hollywood swords come to mind when I think about swords that I’d like. Of course Sting is a classic, and I wouldn’t mind having it (although it really doesn’t hold a candle to the Celtic sword). The sword from 300 is a beautiful piece, and I’d love to have it. I’d also love love love to have the knife used by the Indian in Predator. That is the ultimate in sharp kickassery on the big screen. The. Freaking. Ultimate.
Alright so now I’m just drooling and picturing myself frolicking through the woods hacking at random branches that get in my way, so I’ll sign off once again.
DFTBA
Another quick note: I’m too lazy to post any links or pictures, but both Wikipedia and Miss Google have been lovely in helping me develop some opinions on some of the following swords, and they can also help you look up some nice pictures if you’re so interested. But you’re not, so I’ll just get right into it.
Swords are the gentleman’s weapon. I’d like to say it was earlier, but it was probably around the time of the release of the first Lord of the Rings that I really got into swords, and by release of the movie I mean when I read the trilogy in book form before I went to see the first movie (three times) because I didn’t want to ruin the books for myself by seeing the movie first. More specifically, it was in the Barrow-downs that the hobbits came across three enchanted daggers in the cavern where a barrow-wight had imprisoned them. Maybe it was the magic of the prose, but ever since I’ve been in love with the idea of strapping a sword around my waist and strutting down the street.
There’s just something about the short sword that’s always appealed to me; long swords have always seemed too gangly for proper wielding. I mean of course they aren’t, but for my personal preferred (read: imagined) fighting style, the short sword really seems to do the trick.
Consider the various long swords. First up, the broad sword: this behemoth is long, thick, heavy, and blunt, and really made for swinging around wildly and crashing into someone’s chest, hopefully crushing their breastplate and the puny chest within. There’s no grace there, no smooth movement or flow, just crash boom bang, knock the guy off his horse and break the majority of his ribs. It really isn’t a gentlemanly sword.
And then there are the skinny swords, the ones you’d fence with: the foil, epée (rapier), and sabre. They’re all skinny, lame, and useless. Enough said.
There are of course the two-handed swords, the claymores and zweihänders, but again as with the broadsword, they’re just unwieldy in my mind. Mostly I can’t imagine wearing one around all the time. Or whipping one out and slicing some jerk’s head off on the subway. There’s just not enough space indoors to swing it around.
I’ve purposely avoided discussing the katana because honestly it scares me. Even the smaller wakizashi and tantō scare me. It’s in the blade, the sharpness, meaningfulness, and art with which there are wielded, slicing the very air itself. There’s a reason wielding these swords properly requires martial arts training, and it’s all just not for me.
There are a lot of swords I won’t be discussing, and really it’s only because they’re not that interesting, they don’t stand out as something I wouldn’t want to end up with, and they’re not something I’d specifically go out and buy. These swords include, but are not limited to, the falchion, the scimitar, the cutlass, and the dirk. A great many more didn’t even make this list, and who cares.
On to the swords I care about, and want: the gladius, the falcata, and the Celtic sword (I’m disappointed in the Celts that they didn’t give me a better name to use, it would have been cooler of them to come up with some neat name).
Firstly, the gladius, which we all know and love from the movie Gladiator (more on movie swords later), is a fine short sword that can clearly be wielded artfully and close to the body, which makes it good for both indoors and showing off. Sure there’s skill involved, but it doesn’t come with the cultural-traditional baggage that the Japanese swords do. It’s small and stylish, could easily be worn on my belt, and looks good swinging around to boot. To appease my own nerdiness, I’d specifically be gunning for either a Mainz for Fulham gladius, although ideally it’d be a Mainz.
Next, the falcata, which is a stylishly forward curving pre-Roman Iberian blade that originated centuries before somewhere in the Middle East, and has a cutting edge that can best be described as convex near the tip, and concave near the hilt. Having so much more sword near the tip makes swinging it somewhat less than graceful, but in terms of usefulness, the thing handles like an axe, and would be most useful hacking through the forest or something.
Lastly, the Celtic sword, so named because… well, you know. This is perhaps my favourite sword, and has been so for many years. It is short, which of course is necessary for my brand of urban sword fighting and general tomfoolery, and slightly leaf-shaped, that is, wider at the tip than at the base. The double-edged blade is simple and symmetric, as is the hilt. The hilt itself can best be described as follows: take the Cingular Wireless logo (that little jumping-jacking orange fellow) and cut him in half at the waist, put a simple leather grip in there, and push his head down onto his shoulders. The sword is simple, and yet curvy and fun. This is the sword I would wear everywhere and be buried with. No wait, I’d pass it onto my second child. Yeah, that’d be sweet.
A couple of Hollywood swords come to mind when I think about swords that I’d like. Of course Sting is a classic, and I wouldn’t mind having it (although it really doesn’t hold a candle to the Celtic sword). The sword from 300 is a beautiful piece, and I’d love to have it. I’d also love love love to have the knife used by the Indian in Predator. That is the ultimate in sharp kickassery on the big screen. The. Freaking. Ultimate.
Alright so now I’m just drooling and picturing myself frolicking through the woods hacking at random branches that get in my way, so I’ll sign off once again.
DFTBA
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